"What's in a Name?"... and Other Pressing Questions

First things first... let me answer a couple of questions, primarily for my own clarity.

Why blog?

This will be the second blog I've started. The first I began in 2008 and I kept up with it pretty well for about a year... until I got a Facebook. Since the primary purpose of my first blog was to keep family and friends updated with the goings on of my life, Facebook quickly replaced my old blog as my primary online presence. However, as time went by, I grew to miss blogging. I missed being able to sit down and write what's been on my mind, tell about different experiences that have impacted my life, and share what God's been teaching me. A lot of this "need" in my heart has been met through journaling during my quiet time. However, I desire now not only to write but to share, and whether anyone reads this or not, this is something I feel compelled to do.

Why "The Unmasking?" 

The name of this blog definitely has a meaning that is close to my heart, so I wanted to take some time here at the beginning to attempt to explain it. The title's origins are drawn from a particular journey I've been on the past year or so, a journey involving one of my favorite poems, written by Paul Laurence Dunbar:

                    We Wear the Mask

    We wear the mask that grins and lies, 

    It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
    This debt we pay to human guile;
    With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
    And mouth with myriad subtleties.
   
    Why should the world be over-wise,
    In counting all our tears and sighs?
    Nay, let them only see us, while
            We wear the mask.
    
    We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
    To thee from tortured souls arise.
    We sing, but oh the clay is vile
    Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
    But let the world dream otherwise, 

            We wear the mask! 

I studied this poem in my senior year literature class, and it resonated with me then in a particularly powerful way because of what God had been doing in my heart at that time. I was becoming more and more aware of the need for me, as a follower of Christ, to be more "real" with other believers, to quit wearing "masks" of perfection, of having it all together, of being human. That thought scared me, and everything within me wanted to resist. Thankfully, God continued to work. He used another piece of media to pierce my heart during this time, a song by Tenth Avenue North about being "real" with the Lord Himself:

             Any Other Way

Verse 1

Don't say goodbye, don't say hello
We're just standing on the surface
Don't say alright, don't say I know
I promise it's not worth it
I want to know who you are
Even if you're falling apart
Reach in and touch your scars
And all the shame you've kept in your heart

Chorus
'Cause it's not enough
It's not enough
Just to say that you're okay
I need your hurt I need your pain
It's not love any other way

Verse 2
Let's not pretend
Stop your parade
Trying to convince me
That you're alright and everything's OK
Do you even know me
'Cause I already know who you are
And all things that kept us apart
So reach in and touch My scars
And know the price I paid for your heart

Bridge
A broken and contrite heart
I will not despise
Come as you are
And I won't close my eyes
I won't close my eyes (3x)

'Cause it's not enough it's not enough
Just to say that you're okay
You needed my hurt, you needed my pain
It's not love any other way (3x)

I wrote about this struggle with the lack of transparency in my life toward Christ and His followers in a poem for my senior literature class. 

             Sealed Heart

Your question seemed so simple

An innocent “How do you do?”

In answering, though, I had to decide

What I would share with you

To tell you how I really am

Cuts and bruises all

Or to once again box up my heart

Still aching from a fall

Transparency, it seemed so sweet

The rush of tears, release of pain

But for the fear of being judged

I sealed my heart again

You asked me how I was

And my trite reply was, “Fine”

But all the while I resolved

To break the seal next time

I find it amazing to look back on those days in the past and then see where God has me now. To think that He used things as simple as poems or a song in high school to begin a work in my heart that would bear much fruit during my first year of college still astounds me. The desire for transparency, to be unmasked, that He stirred in my heart during senior year He has granted through time I've spent with my re:group at Renewal Church and through the strong friendships at North Greenville. James 5:16, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed," has become more of a reality in my life and is no longer a verse I write off. Being "real" and open about what is going on in my life, what I'm struggling with, and what God's been teaching me has deepened and strengthened my faith in ways I couldn't have imagined a year ago. And though I am still far, far from being through with this journey, I hope this blog will be another step along the road, the road to my unmasking.